3 Reasons selfishness is SELFLESS when intentionally dating!
Some may read this like “What do you mean selfishness? Isn’t that immoral? No one should strive to be selfish.” I get that but those people are usually unhappy trying to please everyone, but themselves. But that’s another conversation… Some selfishness is essential for pretty much all relationships!! In dating, specifically, it comes with a lot of benefits, three of which I will share with you today. Firstly, let me start off by saying that I do not think you should be an inconsiderate butthole that always wants your way. That’s terrible. It’s more intentional than that. I am saying that you should know what you want and sometimes be really firm and unwavering on those specific things. Why? Well I’m glad you asked…
Reason #1 : Allow them the chance to get to know the REAL you
When you think of yourself over the other person sometimes, you allow them the opportunity to get to know the REAL you. The person who is flawed. The person who may need to check how selfish they really are. The funny person who has quirks that is later known to be a wonderful trait for a suitable partner.
Because I believe that honesty is the best policy, showing a person who you truly are shows them a certain level of integrity and authenticity that will require them to do the same and allow them to trust what you do and say! Acting like you are ok with something knowing that you don’t like that, or you feel uncomfortable is the quickest way to confuse someone and leave them trying to hit a moving target. Sometimes you must be unwavering and clear about your likes and dislikes so that a person gets to know you and can treat you how YOU want to be treated. You deserve it and you are worth the time and effort to get to know!
Reason #2: Eliminate unsuitable partners with more ease
With that being said, it leads me to the second reason that selfishness can be one of the most SELFLESS things you can do when dating. Ever feel like you’ve given your all in a rather quick relationship? You supported him? Did the things he wanted to do? Showed him how a real woman should treat a man? You did all that just for it to end after dating, kind of exclusively, for 9 months?
Yeah, well, I completely understand feeling the urge to put your best foot forward in that particular way. I really do. It’s admirable. I truly mean that, but it leads you to disappointment man!! It leaves you confused and wondering what the heck you are doing wrong when you thought you were doing everything right. I know!
That’s why you have to be a little selfish! Just a little bit. Know your limitations. Does he deserve all of that? How did he earn all those things? Chances are HE DIDN’T which is why you feel out of place and confused! Gracefully think of yourself so that when a person doesn’t comply, you can gracefully move the heck on!!
If you read my last blog “4 tips” , you’ll see where I talk about committing to yourself and knowing what the heck you want. Reserve some of those your benefits for a person that has proven themselves to you and gradually release them. Selfishness at the beginning of the relationship helps you eliminate unsuitable partners, reduce unnecessary stress, and use your precious dating time for more fitting prospects.
Reason #3 Maintain Individuality
One thing I have learn over the years of observation and experience is that putting yourself first to some extent allows you to maintain a sense of individuality. I’ve noticed that sometimes we get caught up in the idea of oneness with someone (sometimes too soon) and we forget that we individually existed before them. I know that using the word “selfish” can be off-putting, but again, I simply mean that sometimes you MUST put yourself first.
Going on that girl’s trip with your friends or having a hobby that your boo isn’t a part of are both ways that you can maintain your independence. Also, allow him to do the same! It’s the freedom that you get knowing that you can still make a move without being obligated to consult someone. Of course, you and your guy would discuss your plans, but more as friends just talking about their life experiences.
I believe this so much so because I’ve seen and heard too often that people find that they have lost themselves in relationships or while dating. They want space or they feel crowded. Sometimes as humans we just want to do our own thing!! Do your own thing sometimes and be open about it.
Overall, I just want to say that you must, as they say on the plane, put your mask on first. As cliché as that may sound, it is key to life sometimes. FYI: this goes for men too.
Gracefully making sure you are good first in a relationship allows you to be good for them in a better more COMPLETE way. Allow them to see the things you like and dislike so that they get to know the many nuances of you. However use that same energy for people who may not be for you.
Anyone that wants you to put them first all the time are the inconsiderate buttholes that you need to get rid of by being just a wee bit selfish. That person doesn’t want you to be independent and they want to control you. Maintain your independence and have a life to share with your partner! It’s imperative for a lasting relationship!
With Love because Love Workz,
Coach K.
