4 Tips to Remember when Dating with intention

Tip #1 Identify your nonnegotiable standards

From my observation, most people struggle in relationships because they don’t really know what they want. I don’t mean that very arbitrary list of wants that your dream guy must have. I mean, specifically, your values. Those things that you can’t be flexible on. Something like wanting your new boo to be a Christian or a family man. Knowing these things can leave you with more clarity and focus when dating. If you want children in the future, but the new person in your life doesn’t then he may not be for you. And guess what… that is ok!

There are too many times, in which, we get into relationships with expectations given to us by the world. We want a “chivalrous” man. We want a man that will do what Russell Wilson would do for Ciara. And while that may be a good thing, you, in particular, may not need exactly what Ciara gets. It is up to you to decide what you need for you at this moment. What are some things you cannot budge on? You don’t have to write it down, but you should gracefully, without spite, make it known to yourself. Live by those standards when dating and above all be very clear. When you are unclear about the things you need in your relationship, EVERYTHING is up for negotiation. BE CLEAR and BE DIRECT.

When you are clear with the things that you want in a relationship, you make it easier for someone to follow your lead in loving you. Deliberate dating makes it easier to weed out a person that may not be for you, you are less angry when things don’t work, and even happier when things do work out and you know exactly why! Determine your nonnegotiable standards and live by them!

Tip #2 Be Flexible

Relationships should be customized and molded to accommodate the two people involved. To customize your relationship, you must have some flexibility, specifically, for your partner to have their own nonnegotiable requirements. What are some things that you are willing to tolerate? What are some things that you can bend on?

Because you will need to answer these questions in order to determine how flexible you are willing to be, you have to have your own requirements, as stated in Tip #1. Being certain about what you want and what you don’t want upfront, leaves room for you and your new boo to get to know each other, mold to each other’s liking (or not), and create the relationship that is right for the both of you and less time is wasted!! Spend more time truly getting know each other with less influence from what society says and more on what you say!

Tip #3 Commit you to YOU

Committing to yourself is one of the biggest things that you must do before and during a relationship!!!! I do not mean to be completely selfish. However, I believe that there are times when thinking of yourself is the best thing you could do for the both of you! I think of a time in my life when I was still dating my husband. He was determined to not become a couple attached at the hip and neither did I. It was mostly for him and his sanity, but it helped the both of us. He would purposely make himself busy to create a boundary for himself. I know that may sound bad, but it worked. I was able to focus on myself. The space created made me feel comfortable creating my own boundaries, he was able to maintain his independence and we were both able to enjoy a genuine relationship with little to no unnecessary frustrations. My point is that he did that for himself. Creating that boundary was a nonnegotiable for him. He was committed to himself first and was clear! Creating that type of boundary was not a nonnegotiable for me so we were able to customize it to our relationship to the liking of the both of us.

Commit to yourself by making sure you do not need anyone to “complete” you. If you are not complete without another person, identify the things you need from your partner to make you feel complete and find ways to do that for yourself. Remember it is no one’s job, but yours to make you happy! Keep that in mind when you are creating unsustainable expectations that your partner must meet. Commit YOU to YOU!

Tip #4 Have FUN

 Finally, preparing yourself for a great friendship is last, but certainly not the least important thing I have mentioned today. Enjoy the process of dating. One thing that I have noticed in romantic relationships is that we forget to just be friends and enjoy each other’s company. We come to these things with all these expectations and what you are not going to tolerate. UGH it’s such a waste of time. Have your FEW nonnegotiable standards, mold your relationship, and build an open and honest friendship that can withstand most, if not all, ups and downs. You will find that when you are friends first and have good time, you have the space to be authentically you!! It feels great. Conversations are more in-depth. Vacations are more fun. Life is just more peaceful when you have your friend to share it with.

In conclusion…

Although these 4 tips are not the only things to remember in your new relationship, I believe that these are a great start!! When you come to the table complete with the things you know you will need, offering some flexibility for them to be who they are, committed to who you are, and are a great fun friend, you will have a more peaceful life and can avoid all of that unnecessary heartache. From this day forward, I challenge you to practice these four tips and I can almost guarantee you a better, more intentional experience when dating.

With Love because Love Workz,

Coach K.